The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
