I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize