My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's official drugs can't kill me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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