i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
