Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
