I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that's an acceptable place to lick
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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