I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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