The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
