look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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