you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
