Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
