It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
