I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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