shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
