come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
