I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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