He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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