wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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