Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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