It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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