Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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