Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize