You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You are a genius and a whore.
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