weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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