i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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