explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
