Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
