know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
