I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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