'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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