Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
