Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
