dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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