This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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