First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
