All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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