you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
