I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
