I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
