So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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