So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
