Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
