I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
