we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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