My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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