bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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