I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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