I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
