I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
