My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Welp...herpes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
