I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize