I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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