moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
