Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
