I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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