She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
