It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
