Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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