we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
