he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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