You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
