He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
