I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
