You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wannas sexs uuuuu
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
