I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just invented taco cereal.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
