How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
